CHARACTERISTICS OF
A STRONG & HEALTHY FAMILY
(PART 2)
INTRODUCTION:
1. Last
week, I started a series on the family.
2. I
explained that the traditional family unit is in trouble.
3. The
family is in trouble because some husbands and wives are more preoccupied with
their careers then they are with their own family’s needs and because parents
are not disciplining their children.
THIS MORNING, I AM GOING TO PROVIDE THREE
CHARACTERISTICS OF A HEALTHY FAMILY.
4. A
few years ago, professor Nick Stinnett who was the chairman of the Department
of Human Development and the Family at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln,
launched a fascinating research project “On What Makes Families Strong.” All together, Dr. Stinnett studied 3,000
families and collected a lot of information.
From his research, Dr. Stinnett found several main qualities in strong
families.
5. Some
of my lesson material that I am going to present comes from his study, the
Bible, and several other books on the family.
I.
FIRST, IN ORDER TO HAVE A STRONG AND
HEALTHY FAMILY, WE MUST HAVE A SPIRITUAL COMMITMENT.
1. Joshua,
a military and spiritual leader to the nation of Israel explains to us about
the relationship that a family should have towards God.
- (Joshua 24:15)
“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for
yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers
served beyond the river, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you
are living. But as for me and my
household, we will serve the Lord.”
2. Joshua
and his family made a commitment to serve the Lord together. And this what God expects from us.
3. Families
that are committed to God are more likely to stay together.
ILLUSTRATION:
I once saw a billboard that says,
“Families that pray together, stay together.”
4. Families
that are committed to God tend to love and respect each other more than
families who do not have a commitment to God.
5. Families
that are committed to God tend to produce successful godly and moral offspring.
ILLUSTRATION:
A study was once done on two early
American characters.
Max Jukes lived in New York and had
nothing to do with the Christian faith.
Of 1,026 of his descendants who were studied,
300 died prematurely…
100 served an average of 13 years in the
penitentiary…
100 became public prostitutes…
100 became alcoholics.
The same study examined 720 descendants
of Jonathan Edwards a man who served the Lord.
Of these,
300 became preachers…
65 became college professors…
13 were university presidents…
60 became authors…
3 United States congressmen and 1 vice
president of the United States.
6. It’s
easy to see that families who are committed to God produce successful and moral
offspring.
7. If
you have a family that loves and serves God together then praise the Lord. Keep up the good work.
8. However,
if your family is not committed to God, then I would like to encourage you to
go home, set down and make a godly commitment together.
a.
Make a commitment to love and serve God
together.
b.
Make a commitment to pray together each
day.
c.
Make a commitment to come to church
together.
9.
If you want to have a strong and happy
family, then follow Joshua’s commitment: But as for me and my household, we
will serve the Lord!
II.
SECOND, IN ORDER TO HAVE A STRONG AND
HEALTHY FAMILY, WE MUST SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
1. If
my arithmetic is correct, (and I think it is because I learned a lot about arithmetic
from Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies) then adults living in a family
household have:
- 168 hours available a week.
- 56 of those hours are needed for sleeping.
- roughly 50 of the 112 hours left are consumed by work-related
activities
- out of the 62 hours left, 10 hours are generally used for personal
and individual time.
- This leaves 52 hours a week for family time. It doesn’t seem like we have this much
potential time together.
2. Out
of these 52 hours a week, the majority of American families watch TV
together. However, that is not quality
time.
3. Quality
time consists of:
a. Having
family devotionals.
b. Doing
homework or other educational activities together.
c. Going
out for a fun meal together.
d. Experiencing
a cultural activity together, such as a museum, zoo, or play.
e. Playing
a sport together.
4. A
family that spends quality time together normally has a healthy family
life. However, a family that spends
little time with each other, tends to be fragmented and uninterested in each
other. They feel distanced from each
other.
5. How
can you start spending more time together?
a. Go
home, have a family meeting, and develop a family “philosophy” of leisure
time. Ask the family what they would
like to do together.
b. Next,
plan some family activities.
c. And
then, arrange your busy schedules, so that you can be there for the activity.
6. I
am not telling you to spend all of your time with each other. Everyone needs his or her own space and
time. But I am saying that you need to
do some things together as a family.
And if you do, then you are on your way to having a strong and healthy
family.
III.
THIRD, IN ORDER TO HAVE A STRONG AND
HEALTHY FAMILY, WE MUST HAVE GOOD FAMILY COMMUNICATION.
1. Communication
is to love what blood is to the body.
When communication stops, love begins to die.
2. According
to Dr. David Mace, past president of the American Association of Marriage
Counselors, “Poor communication is the main problem in 86 percent of all
troubled marriages.”
3.
Columnist Ann Landers once said, "The
most important single ingredient in a marriage is the ability to
communicate. If my mail is a fair
reflection of what goes on with Mr. And Mrs. America behind closed doors (and I
think it is), most marital problems stem from the inability of two people to
talk to each other. How precious is the
ability to communicate! … The couples who are secure in marriage can be honest
about all kinds of feeling."
4. Here
are four rules in good communication.
a.
The first rule in good communication is
knowledge.
(1)
How much do you know about your spouse?
(2)
What is your spouses favorite:
My wife's favorite:
Food?
(Steak and Lobster)
Drink?
(Pepsi or Dr. Pepper)
Place to eat? (Japanese kitchen)
TV program? (Nash Bridges)
Sport (Volleyball)
Favorite Bible character (Jesus)
(3)
If you do not know very much about your
spouse and children, then you must not be very interested in them. Good communication first seeks to know one
another better.
b.
The second rule in good communication is
speaking the truth in love.
- Paul
must have had this in mind when he wrote (Eph. 4:15). “Speaking the truth in love, we will in
all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”
(1)
Let's be honest, all strong and healthy families
at times have arguments. In fact, you
can become so angry at each other, that you say things that you really don’t
mean.
(a)
For example, I told Mary one time while I
was angry that she was as hard headed as her mother. But that’s not true, she's close.
- Before
we say something that is not true, we should reflect on (Eph. 4:29). “Do not let any unwholesome talk come
out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up
according to their needs.”
c.
The third rule in good communication is
be positive.
(1)
A marriage that is 85 percent positive
and only 15 percent negative will appear 90 percent bad if the couple spends 90
percent of its time arguing over the 15 percent problem areas.
(2)
We need to stop fighting over the
negative areas, (like finances, housework, & kids) and start focusing on
the good and positive areas.
d.
The fourth rule in good communication is
to be an active listener.
(1) The
Pharisees and the Sadducees of Jesus’ day heard sounds, but they did not
listen. Jesus said in (Mt.
13:13) “though hearing, they do not hear”
(2) Their
inner ears were closed by their preconceived views. Some people are like that today.
They hear what they only want to hear.
(3) In
the family, however, we need to truly listen to what is being said. Everyone wants to be heard and listened
too.
CONCLUSION:
1. Although
the family unit is in trouble, we as Christians can turn that around and have
strong, healthy families.
2. To
have a strong and healthy family, we must have:
a. A
spiritual commitment.
b. Spend
quality time together.
c. Good
communication.
3. I
hope and pray that this series on the family has been beneficial.
4. We
never want to close a service without offering an invitation, so if you have
any needs, please come as we stand and sing.